C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
