found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
