sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize