thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
