well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
