"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize