worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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