I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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