it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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