Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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