you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
