Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
