my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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