Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
