Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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