I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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