"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Small penises have feelings too.
Michael Bay diarrhea
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize