In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
