There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
