i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
