Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize