I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
