he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
