So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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