I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
