He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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