dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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