so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
