im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
