I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
