I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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