Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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