I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
