Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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