i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize