I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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