I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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