I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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