Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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