I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Boobs speak an international language.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
