mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
