omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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