His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize