I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
