You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i am craving dick and cupcakes
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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