I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize