Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
