So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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