sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
