Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
