I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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