He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
