the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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