Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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