you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
