Who did Billy Mays play for?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
