We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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