Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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