Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
