My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
