mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
