if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
