She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
