Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
