I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
