i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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