the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
