I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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