he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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