someone threw a dead crab at me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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