she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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