this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
