I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
