I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
time to smoke my breakfast
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
