he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
a search helicopter?!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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